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I admire your work Steve Jobs.

I had another dream with Katherine in it.

We were lying on the bed and we were both laughing. I saw Jackie walk into the door frame look, scoff, and walk away. Katherine looked down and said, "I just want attention" with a huge smile. I looked back up with a laugh and said, "I know" and we goofed around and settled and wrapped my arms around her aaand then I woke up.

She always comes into my dreams   when I don't even think about her for an entire week, month, or day. it has been six years since I have met her... WHAT IS GOING ON>< I sound like a creep and blasphemous due to the fact that I have a kid and another on the way... Once I was going with Morgan and on my to see Morgan I ran into Katherine,,, oh my gosh,.,.,.,.,...,,.....,,,,

Jackie asked if I wanted to leave after the first baby and at several accounts after that with the most maturity to the subject. oh my oh my. what a father i would be if that would happen to be.

I have to go shower 

Okay so I am going to nip this in the butt. lies will be in big bold letters and capitalized.. I feel as excrement (that means poop)

Junior year   of high school

I had a rush of confidence after coming home from Germany and had the delight of "learning" things on the guitar. The rush of confidence came with an understanding that to be shy all of your life you won't gain anything you want and of course I am talking ultimately about sex. After ignoring, denying, and thinking that my mother would always say NO to hanging out with friends since she had said previously that she "needs to meet the parents" before I could hang out anyway. I always figured she would say NO. I have been told NO a lot from my mom. But as good kid I always followed her word. So the assumption sat and saturated deeply into my mind (even years prior to this story   since middle school). I would help out around the house take care of Zoe, clean the backyard, take her on walks, mow the lawn even before my mom would get home from work. As the time would pass I would sit out on the porch and try incessantly at figuring out something sad to play. First bits of something coming together I told myself I shouldn't try to learn someone else's music and concentrate on my own sound. Besides my limits of actually playing and fingering were limited, as well as trying to remember allll of those cords and scales. (But I am more interested in something beautiful to play and that is something subconsciously and personal as music should be). I began the school year. I was excited to go to Japanese class and took me forever to find all my classes and keep that routine going. (meaning that I would end up in other classes at the wrong time.) Time went by and I heard about a skate party at Roller Land West. It has been years since I have been there but I was very familiar with the place. That is were I met Michaela Black, Brittani Johnson, and Keri Walz. I tryed to impress them with my skating skills. Which only consisted of being able to go backwards, switching quickly, balancing on two wheels  the forward and back wheels, and a combination of the two and being able to switch while doing the combination trick. Other than that I have been in the shadow of other skaters (Nathan West who was on my pee wee league hockey team which I didn't know until m mom told me later, who's mom was friend's with Tyler Smith's mom) who took to the Extreme skating when it got popularized in the late 90's (that was after the advent of the new RollerBlade opposed to the Roller Skate which then in the early 90's Street Hockey became popularized *note* the movie "Clerks") and the advent of the ESPN's X-games. I only met those girls there I didn't have much to say. I was socially dumb, in the literal sense of the phrase. After that night I blew into confidence. I met another girl in my speech class, I saw her at the back of the class thought she was oh so cute, must talk to her. Turns out I got my chance. We had an assignment to where we had to make a speech about someone in class and act like that person while presenting the speech. We had to ask at least 20 questions about them to get an idea about the person. Anyway everyone paired up it seemed like everyone knew each other already in someway. This was a freshman class and I was a junior, the only reason I was there was because I was scared to do speech class in 9th grade, because I was/am so shy. I asked her the most random questions and it made her laugh and smile. She looked my type she had an attitude only in the way she dressed but had a remarkable personality as well as physically fit and stunning. I would flirt with her a lot in that class. Her name is Katy Fleury, (her real name is Mary but thought it was to religious so she went by Katy). I found out she was from a family of six as well as I was.. I talked to her online. I felt connected! It was a remarkable feeling, I could never describe it.When I think of Katy can only think of the color white. That may have to do with the fact she made me a copy of a White Stripes album (White Blood Cells that's the one with Fell In Love With a Girl and the song that got popular from the movie Napoleon Dynamite, "We are Going to be Friends"). "Clerks" was her favorite movie. I said I loved that movie even though I probably saw 10 minutes of the movie collectively then. I ALSO TOLD HER THAT I WAS A STOCKER AT ALBERTSON'S... Later I found out her friend Eric Oeur worked there on of Katy's friends. I was in a heap of trouble because I only ever tried to apply there and the first question it asked was "What is your social security number" I had almost no idea what that even was. A bit later me and Katy got separated in speech class because we wouldn't stop laughing. So she moved me. I remember at the end I wrote a speech about the dumbest thing I could think of the band Nirvana. I was embarrassed to read it. Katy told me she got mad at me for not reading it. She wrote a speech on why the death penalty shouldn't be in place anymore. I thought so highly of hers that it made me utterly embarrassed... My original piece started out like a story book and could have read it but instead I just said I take the 'F' not word for word but that's what I said. Now I think her influence for that was from System of a Down's Prison Song. She said that she BSd most of it. Moral to this one is DON'T LIE.

Now let us go back to where I said "I would flirt with her in class" because around this point in time I met Katherine Bourgeois, Erin Shook, and Emily Keefer all at Sonic. I was introduced by Katy and I stared briefly straight into Katherine's eyes and I saw her smile and then whisper "He is cute.." I hung around for a bit and talked to Katy and then took back off towards Chopstix Express. I made that my regular hang out due to the fact that it was a healthier choice and it had Japanese food. Which at the time was my favorite. A little later we get to the Howdy dance, the first dance of the year. I went entirely solo. I saw two familiar faces, Brittani and Keri. I asked where Micheala was, and they said she was around. I saw her sitting at the table and tried to convince her to dance, shyly she looked around and I gave up for the moment. I went back and danced with Brittani and then Tucker MacKenzie and Tony Woods were dancing in. Out of the blue a girl in a red dress started dancing too. If you want to call what we doing actually dancing.. I just let myself completely run free of inhibition as if I were drunk had no care or judgement from anyone and I was accepted at the same time. Micheala finally came over and danced. I got to dance with her. I also danced with the girl in the red dress, Kat Fey. By the end of the dance I talked to Micheala and she asked my number. I told her the only phone number I knew... my mom's. She called it!A couple of days later my mom answered and handed me the phone, I couldn't believe it. She talked to me..   sort of and I realized I had nothing to say. She did say that girl dancing with me in the red dress was crying that I asked her for her number. Oh crap I felt it come on soon that this wouldn't go anywhere. I asked her if she wanted to go see a movie and had other plans.. I hung out with her at lunch a couple of times and I was acting completely manic in Dunkin Donuts, and I made her laugh and smile. She called me later with Keri and Brittani saying she wanted to suck my dick. But I couldn't hold up my end of the bargain of actually talking to her, I could tell they were drunk, I was opposed to drinking, I was scared straight after the DARE program and just hearsay. That oppertunity left in a hurry, she made had the hots for two other guys, Van Cashen and Scott  (who ironically was from Edinburgh, Scotland.) When we hung out at Whataburger I knew it was over. *Sigh* I didn't complain or wine I told myself there was no use to do so, I thought to myself she is out of my league. But I still considered her my first official girl friend. Lesson to learn here, keep a promise and don't be so lame to express opinions. Which leads me to hanging out at Dunkin Donuts where I had established some security with the people there. Mostly freshmen. I realized later that most of the upperclassmen had cars and drove to go get lunch. But that wasn't until I was in college at some point.

     I would walk home just about every day with Trina Westmoreland. She told me about her day, I would mostly just laugh along and she analyzed me quick to say that's all I do haha. Which was true I did laugh along, mostly because I didn't know what to say in response. She said the same thing as soon as I got online how she couldn't respond to what I was saying. I was in manic episodes, singing along with songs and being so random. On a night on the computer while at my dad's apartment downtown I got asked if talking to an 8th grader would be okay. I said yeah I have no problem.. (I found out later that there was a huge segregation between grade levels and older levels harassed younger ones, for whatever reason [The dominance of knowing? example "OH YEAH well What DO YOU knoW stupid fish?]) That is when I met Morgan Elise McKelvey, the quick witted and hilarious Morgan. I helped her through her problems and made her realize that she was fault for all the problems, it soon enveloped into flirting and basically an entirely imaginative love story between the two of us. Every time we talked online heavy flirting and well ultimately lead to *censorship and/or modesty* over the phone and the Internet.. On too many a nights I felt I abused my capabilities. I couldn't believe it we had so much fun making up stories. I would soon meet her. I went walking that way toward her school. When I ran into Katherine I had no idea she lived right down the street from Trina. I said hello and we sat right in front of house, when her friend dropped her off. I sat for not too long and she asked me about what kind of music I like and I said, "You may not like it but some older things Nirvana and stuff" and she asked "how did you become like that." I was messing with some leaves playfully and gave her one. I told her the quick version, "I dono one day it will happen to you." She got up and and she had to go call her father. I felt so excited. ( I didn't make this until freshman year of college when that moment struck me again ) I was emulsified if that is even the right word to describe this... I considered the proposal of breaking up with Morgan that day... but continued on and that day I had my first kiss. It was so perfect, I licked my lips before it happened, I didn't want to press to hard, and I didn't want to have bad smelling breath. It was sweet, it didn't taste. It was story book perfect. I was there with Jimmy Park. This happened and we talked all night over the phone. More and more she was telling me her secrets, the future, she talked about her singing in a band named Grey Skies (after an art project we had to in Mr. Herbaline's class to make an album art cover I sneaked in her name and Katy's name) and I had turn it into baby talk *shakes head what the fkk* and having other friends over the phone. I was to say in the least in love. I don't I ever fell out of love. I made it my utmost priority to remember everything she said and whatever promise I made to keep. Then her mom found out about us and didn't like the idea. So I had made an e-mail explaining how I could understand her feeling. But she didn't think anything of it but I insisted. I didn't want to but I wanted to respect her mother's wishes. I was needless to say heartbroken. It was saddening. Moral don't get ahead of yourself, don't take things too fast and know your limits.

     It was the second semester of junior year now. I solemnly went to health class and to speech class Katy asked what was wrong and why I wasn't like before. I told her as did with Angela Miller and Brittani. I should just go back to the way I was before.. quiet.

Senior year

This is no where near finished. I don't have the will power right now.. 

Global Trends Example 1

i want to start over